by Kishara Griffin
“I’m so unworthy!” – screamed by every black pastor during a youth night I attended
A question I’ve been pondering as a Christian is, Do Black pastors honestly believe they and other Black folks are unworthy, are in need of saving, because the conditions of the Black community are indicative of the sinful nature of unsaved Black bodies? I can’t help but wonder how this self-concept of unworthiness impacts the ability of African-American Christians to connect with other black folks. I can’t help but wonder how many new Christians begin echoing these messages, believing it’s a way to demonstrate their faith, only to be caught in the same trap and carry the burden of a negative self-perception in Christ.
In the book Attached to God, Krispin Mayfield describes a shame-filled attachment style to God as “a connection when individuals approach their relationship with God through the idea they have to feel terrible about themselves.” Mayfield goes on to explain that this idea or belief would suggest “that the god we strive to get closer with always wishes we were more holy, always judges us and is disappointed with us.” In other words, the behavior described above is how some Christians articulate the belief that a constant acknowledgement of their sinfulness is required to gain God’s presence and closeness.
Messages of unworthiness can lead inevitably to self-shaming speech. Shamed-filled speech perpetuates judgment, guilt, regret, anger, fear and disconnection from self, the God we serve and others within the body of Christ. It impacts our sense of belonging, and it affects the way we authentically connect with others. I’m not sure how this self-shaming talk became a point of Christian cookies within Christian culture, or how black people begin engaging in such talk within the church walls, but this I am sure of: the last thing we a Black people need is to chip away our self-esteem to maintain good standing with a God who sacrificed his only son to stay in connection with us. Especially knowing we have a WHOLE system built against us already.
Yes, I’m privy to Isaiah 64:6, “But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.” But I’m also aware of how important it is for black people to be in affirming spaces, especially spiritually affirming ones.
Racism – white supremacy implemented through chattel slavery – was designed to strategically strip African people from their humanity, in turn breaking their minds and spirits to maintain the devious plot of enslavement. In doing so, the enslavers not only utilized science to justify enslavement but doubled down with the Bible to reinforce their actions. Imagine the damage created to the self-worth of those who were enslaved! Today, systemic racism reinforces the work of those enslavers. When Black preachers use terms like those listed above, playing into the unworthy narrative in front of God, it is truly counterproductive as Black folks work both collectively and individually to escape the residual impact slavery has on the perceived worth of Black bodies and black life.
We already have so many things pushing against black people maintaining a healthy, balanced self-esteem in this society. We must remember that there are ways to demonstrate transparency of our shortcomings, our gratitude towards God for His grace, that do not devalue us.
If we are truly invested in the healing and development of Black communities and the impacts the church has on them, we need to push toward disengaging in language that triggers and upholds the intent of white supremacy. As we practice affirming speech in the pulpit, it will improve our self-esteem and connection with God and others. It will give new Christians a better blueprint to build transparency earlier in their walk. Furthermore, practicing self-compassion speech in Black churches is revolutionary, denying white supremacy the opportunity to live in our spaces. Removing the shame from the demonstration of faith facilitates an environment for God’s grace to thrive.
Reframing shame-filled language to compassionate self-talk, and incorporating affirmations during prayer, is the most practical way to demonstrate, embrace and celebrate the beauty of our blackness in Christ. Loving ourselves in the presence of God and rejecting the notion of unworthiness supports us in reclaiming our minds, bodies and spirits from the grips of white supremacy. Removing white supremacy from our places of worship is not going to be an easy task; however, if we must choose our struggle, we should choose the path that brings us closer to loving ourselves in God’s presence!
Kishara (she/her) earned her Bachelor of Arts degree in political science, minoring in sociology, from the University of Maine Farmington. She later received her master’s degree in social work from Boston University. Kishara is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), along with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). She is passionate about healing and working collaboratively to support meaningful change.